Purpose and Legacy

It’s in the inactivity of who we are that our minds are clouded by the things we find purpose in.

Finding purpose in our lives is the utmost effective way of living our lives.

We must find purpose in the life we live. We must endure the tragedies, falsehoods and

We must endure the tragedies, falsehoods, and betrayals others set upon us, for it’s in overcoming these that we’ll truly find purpose.

The strength we harbor in our souls will be the mast and sails leading us through the difficulties of discovering our purpose.

Purpose legacy and the endgame of what we need to accomplish is the light at the end of our lives.

Our endgame should be our legacy.

It should be the one thing that differentiates us from others.

Within our souls, we find that the world is how we make it and because of that, those of us who find our purpose will be the leaders of the future.


Walls fall down, people run, the graphic disturbance of the night is done.The blast, the last man running, 

I see the blast coming, 

I wait for the gun, the muzzle flash, the random gun, 

The damage is done, the life of the man they’ll no doubt talk about.

When they wake up, the night will be eclipsed by the screams and shouts.

I see the flash and I drop, 

His life, my life, their lives and the world stops,

The power of the gun, the words in my mind, the life before me cut out, 

His hers, theirs and ours.

I wait, the bathroom, but he’s there. He’s waiting, the muzzle flash, my life gone, hers…his…theirs.

I wake, but the night is still screaming. The blackness is coming, the pain…it’s almost gone.

I’ll never hold him again, her again.

Another flash, my life gone: hers…his…ours.

Never Letting Go

pablo (23)

We reach out to the world, trying to discover our soul.

It comes back to us in fits, stuttering and trying to stand.

We abandon what we loved of ourselves in the hope of finding something that was missing, to realize, it was there; we just weren’t paying attention to it.

Some days, weeks and months have been like this lately.

I feel my life, but yet, it isn’t where I want it to be, so I return to what I love about who I am.

I love that I’ve been given the opportunity to write, as much as I want and that my wife and kids support me as much as they do.

I see the gift of writing and being creative standing in front of me. I understand how precious the gift is and wonder why I left it in the first place.

I was chasing what I thought I needed but realized I have what I need. I understand how powerful writing is. I learned that at an early age, but often forget it.

Today, I’m writing something that is truly me, and I love that about it. I create from memories, dreams and thoughts, but now that I’ve fallen in love again, I won’t let this precious gift of writing go again.




pablo (22)

Today, while I sat, reading Neil Gaiman’s new nonfictiony book, sitting next to my wife, who was multi-tasking, an ever-present sketchbook next to her, I watched a conversation.

Our daughter clambered between us to watch my wife’s colored pencils perform.

I don’t often see the interaction of teacher and student, of which I often think of them as.

I’m either reading a new book or writing something of my own.

The rarity of the occasion was more pronounced by the effort our daughter took to watch her mom create, color then create and fill the sketch with more colors.

I love the creativity in our house and the way in which our kids absorb creating through us.

My son crafted a lovely story a while ago. It’s one that I’ve asked him to expand upon and last night, he brought me cover sketches for it.

I told him, “Worry about the story, the cover will come later. If you need help, I’m here.”

I hope it helped him.

I wonder how why some kids don’t create things and I’m reminded of my childhood and having to hide stories I’d written, then I know.


The Course Isn’t Set

pablo (21)

A matter of course.

The matter, of course, is the way in which our lives move through the world and the way we see things in the world.

Each course is the culmination in the way the way see the world and the truth of who we are.

The course we pass through is indifferent, and the reality of how we move through the world is indicavit of our choices as we move.

Our movement, though possibly slow is the only way we know how to get into the lives we’ve worked hard enough to enjoy.

Our enjoyment of these lives is the truth, not the reality.

The reality isn’t the way we want it to be, but in the course of our life, it creates, thrives and moves about the world how we couldn’t dream, much less allow ourselves to be.

We allow ourselves to be comfortable in the false reality and neglect the course. We fit ourselves into the world we don’t understand and enable the course to move us instead of the other way around.

Within the course of our lives, we’re the master, but we oftentimes neglect things because we’re unable to separate who we are from who need to be, the course is set and we must follow.

Endlessness of space

I keep wondering about the world, how it feels, how it groans against the growing weight and disasters and whether the world cares.

In the moment I reach the end of my life, I’ll find the world isn’t what I thought it was, nor will I understand it any better than before I’m gone, but the fatality of the world is that there’s no saving it.

There’s no breath to make it better, no kiss to heal its wounds and after all, that’s been done, it will still be here in the middle of nowhere wasting time and spinning endlessly when we’re all gone.

In the moment of clarity that comes from meditation, I see the world in its beautiful shining glory, but no one else does, and that’s the saddest part of it all.

Within the chemical reaction that happens when things are gone, I’m gone, you’re gone and there’s nothing left, this world will still be spinning in the endlessness of space.

Time to be thankful…

Time to be thankful…

pablo (17)

I bartend weddings, graduations, and corporate events to pay for my writing habit.

You learn a lot from people who are starting out, ending or are somewhere in between. The constant at all of these is time.

At all of these events, regardless of the event’s purpose, time is brought up in some form. Whether it’s the time they’ve been with their company, the time they’ll be spending with their new spouse or the end of their journey in the corporate world.

We think of time only when it passes us by or when it’s coming towards in our looks to the future.

We rarely look at time as something to savor or something that we need to harness.

Taking the time to structure our lives in the best possible way to harness the time we have left, because honestly, we never know when we’re out of time.

There is a constant with all of these moments I’ve worked, not just time. Thankfulness.

Thankful to be honored, thankful for family who’s supported them and the rare, thankful for being able to keep going through the hard times.

I make decent money with the events, but it’s the stories people tell about their lives that make the events worth it.

I have coworkers who talk to each other during the speeches while I’m listening intently to them. I cherish the speeches because the time you spend listening is your time, not theirs. You’re using your time to focus on someone else instead of wasting it with idle chatter.